Finding the Words
by The Luna Complex
Summary: Lily is doubting James' feelings for her. However, that is all quickly cleared up after a meeting in the common room. Only problem? James is avoiding her and Lily's vocal cords aren't working!


_And today was a day just like any other._

* * *

Lily Evans woke up at around 7:00 in the morning. Most would say this is a truly ungodly hour for a Saturday, but then again, Lily was not most people. Anyone who took one look at her could see that. She had burnt copper hair and brilliant emerald eyes. She had pale, creamy skin with several small freckles splattered across her nose and cheekbones. She always wore her copper hair in either a messy bun or let it hang down in loose waves to her shoulder blades.

She never failed to stand out in the crowd; along with her unique physical appearance she also had a fiery temper and a razor-sharp tongue. She never failed to wear brightly colored socks and decorated her bag with muggle stickers.

So, as Lily Evans walked into the common room before anyone else woke up, it was indeed a day just like any other... or so she thought.

* * *

_I'm on the verge; I'm on the verge.  
Unraveling with every word.  
With every word you say, make me believe,  
That I won't feel your tires on the street.  
As I'm finding the words, you're getting away.  
_

* * *

A tired-looking James Potter sat on the common room couch with his head in his hands. Oh, dear. This was_ not _who she needed to be seeing today. Ever since third year, James had a strange fixation on Lily. He constantly asked her out and it irritated her to no end. Yet, as much as she tried to deny it to herself, the boy was really growing on her. She couldn't help it. He had a sort of endearing air about him. But, as much as she wanted it, she simply couldn't go out with him. She knew he only wanted what he couldn't have: her. As much as it pained her to push him away, she simply had to. She simply could not let him go out with her. She couldn't bear to be just another fling.

As she turned to go back upstairs to girl's dormitory, she heard his voice.

"Don't go Lily."

She slowly turned to face him and saw a look of utter despair in his usually bright hazel eyes.

"I need to talk to you."

She simply raised an auburn eyebrow in response.

He got up and fidgeted uncomfortably as if trying to build up the courage to say something.

_Wait, since when did James Potter lack courage for anything?_

He opened his mouth and closed it again, as if trying to think of the right words to say. He let out a long, shuddering breath.

"Lily, why won't you go out with me?" he said, not breaking eye contact.

The question caught her completely off guard. How was she to respond to something like that? But, as she saw him looking at her with that pleading look in his face she knew she had to respond.

"I-I'm not sure. Of you, James. I mean, how do I know you're not just after me because you can't have me? How do I know that as soon as I agree to go out with you you'll leave me forever? I don't think I could handle that, James. I won't let you hurt me. I won't!" she stuttered.

James looked taken aback but then, softly, he asked, "How, Lily? How can I prove that I really care about you? Please tell me. I need to know."

Lily was lost for words. The sincerity that was shining though his hazel eyes was so powerful and passionate, she simply couldn't breathe. He shook his head morbidly at her speechlessness, taking her silence to mean she didn't want him.

"Lily, there is nothing to assure you that I love you but what I'm saying now. But, if you want me to change, I will. Anything to prove my feelings to you. Anything," he all but whispered.

As he turned around to leave, he said softly, "When you're ready to accept me, you know where to find me."

i Wait, James! Don't go! I love you too/i

Her mind was screaming at her to chase after him, yet her body wouldn't obey. As he climbed out of the portrait hole, she sunk to her knees, not bothering to wipe the hot tears streaming down her face. She quietly slipped into her dorm as students started waking up and headed down to breakfast.

* * *

_I come undone, oh yes, I do.  
Just think of all the thoughts wasted on you.  
And every word you say, say something sweet,  
'Cause all I taste is blood between my teeth.  
As I'm finding the words, you're getting away.  
_

* * *

All through the week, James had barely said a word to her. He rarely laughed with his friends. He never played pranks. He never picked on Snape. He had changed, and he had done it for her. Yet, she never could get him alone. He was avoiding her. She knew it. He would come in late to class and then speed out as soon as possible. All his free time was spent up in the boy's dormitory.

_Of course_, she thought bitterly_, when he finally gets to me, he won't even look at me.  
_

She would find some way to reach him. She had to tell him what she was feeling.

* * *

_I am aware I've been misled._  
_I disconnect my heart, my head.  
Don't wanna recognize when things go bad.  
The things that you'll accept,  
Except that I am finding the words,  
To say I'm ready.  
I'm ready to drop.  
Oh oh oh oh oh, I'm ready.  
I'm ready so don't stop.  
I'm ready so don't stop.  
_

* * *

Another week had passed. James had still been avoiding her. She knew she had been wrong about him. He really was serious about her. She could tell he was hurting, and it killed her to know that she had done that to him. It was late one Friday night as Lily sat on the common room couch, contemplating how she would tell James she loved him if she managed to get him alone. She was startled out of her reverie when she heard the portrait creek and someone climb through the portrait hole. It was dark, for the fire had gone out, but she could tell that messy head of hair from anywhere. He hadn't noticed her yet.

"James."

He squinted through the darkness and found her. At the sight of her, he sped towards the boy's staircase. But Lily was determined. She grabbed onto his robes and pulled him down toward the couch she was sitting on earlier.

She looked into his sullen face and was, yet again, lost for words. But she knew she had to say something, or she would lose him forever. A million thoughts rushed through her head, but only one reached her lips.

"I'm ready."

* * *


End file.
